The Slow Lane

“Smile, breathe and go slowly” (Thich Nhat Hanh).

I love these words. They are so simple and yet to me they say so much. After a week that has seemed too full, too frenetic and the days too short, I have been left feeling slightly on edge, sort of ‘jangled’ is how I can best describe it. It’s as though I don’t have enough space, enough time, as if everything is starting to close in around me. Thich Nhat Hanh’s words have been the perfect reminder this weekend to be kind and gentle with myself, to smile inwardly and to simply stop and breathe.

Thinking about these words, I realise that they may also help me avoid falling into a familiar pattern that has, on too many occasions, led me to make decisions that weren’t right for me. I have a tendency to be overly self-critical, to try to change the way I am in order to fit more easily into a world that values ‘success’, decisiveness and action; a world that is overly impressed with money and achievement. I tend to resist my soft and sensitive nature and have often felt a great sense of urgency to get on with something, anything, in order to be seen to be doing something worthy with my life. In turn this has led to much inner tension and anxiety and I have made rash decisions based on the values and expectations of others. This, of course, has only increased my anxiety as I’ve found myself doing things that don’t resonate with me.

Ever so slowly I am beginning to accept that slowing down and being gentle with myself, whether through meditation, connecting with nature, cooking and enjoying a healthy meal, or spending the afternoon reading on the couch, help me come back to myself. The me that sits patiently underneath the endless chatter and anxieties that swirl around in my mind. As much as I might wish it were otherwise, going at my own slower pace can help me tap into the things that truly resonate with me and to try to accept that it’s ok not to know exactly where I’m headed right now but to enjoy the moment nevertheless.

The Jar of Life

About six years ago during a health retreat I heard a sweet story which reminds us to pay attention to what’s really important in life. I think of it every now and again and it makes me smile. I wanted to share it here.

The Mayonnaise Jar and the Pot of Tea

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when twenty four hours in a day are just not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the pot of tea!

A professor stood before his philosophy class and laid out some items on a table. Wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. He then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly so that the pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. Again he asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar, the sand filling the space between the golf balls and the pebbles. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes!’. Finally the professor produced a pot of tea from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

“Now,” said the professor as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognise that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things – your family, your children, your health, your friends, your passions. Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car (if you have one!). The sand is everything else. The small stuff.”

“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to exercise, eat well and look after your health. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18 holes. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

One of the students raised his hand to ask what the tea represented. The professor smiled and responded, “I’m glad you asked. It just goes to show that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room to share a pot of tea with a friend.”

Are You Comfortable Being Uncomfortable?

I like comfort and familiarity. I think perhaps most of us do. I take comfort in my routines; in spending time with people I connect with; in returning to a much loved city or wilderness area; in re-reading a favourite book; in going to a favourite restaurant or café where I know I’ll be greeted warmly. When I’m comfortable with someone I’m more likely to open up and be myself, leading to a deeper connection with that person. Similarly, returning to places I love enables me to get a better and deeper feel for a place, to scratch beneath the surface. I enjoy doing things I know how to do, things I’m good at. There is a lot to be said for comfort.

However, perhaps like most things in life it’s about striking the right balance; a balance between the familiar and the new. When I get too comfortable I know that I can become lazy and complacent; that it becomes more difficult to try new things and as a result I end up in a rut. So, as I much as I enjoy comfort and familiarity I also love that feeling of having accomplished something I wasn’t sure I could do. Something I was initially nervous and unsure about such as running a 10k race for example. Finishing the race gave me a confidence boost and a renewed sense of energy and enthusiasm. Ironically, achieving something that once seemed unattainable makes it ever so slightly more comfortable. In this way I suppose we can actually expand our comfort zone.

What I don’t love is the period of feeling uncomfortable that inevitably precedes that wonderful sense of accomplishment. The part where something still feels new and difficult. The part where it’s tempting to quit. In my running group we have a phrase we use to encourage each other through difficult patches – “Get comfortable being uncomfortable”. This makes a lot of sense in relation to running, particularly if you are training to run a longer distance or aiming to run at a faster pace. Perhaps it also makes sense in relation to life generally? It does according to Kevin Carroll, author of ‘Rules of the Red Rubber Ball’. He believes that getting comfortable with being uncomfortable is good for us; that it keeps us nimble and flexible and better able to cope with change. In an interview I listened to recently he said this -

“If you’re willing to constantly be chasing, constantly be learning, constantly trying to reinvent yourself and chasing after mastering something new, you’re going to be open to all the things that are being presented to you, all the opportunities. You will see them as opportunities. You won’t see them as that other person would – as obstacles. ‘Oh I don’t want to try that because I’ll never be good at that’. It is in the trying, and in those aspirations, that there is growth.”

I’m not sure if I’ll ever truly be comfortable being uncomfortable but I’ll certainly try to remain open to it and to accept, rather than resist, it. How about you? Are you comfortable being uncomfortable?

Who Do You Admire?

I recently completed a fantastic online course called ‘Do What You Love’. As its name suggests it is about discovering your true passion in life and connecting more fully with that passion by finding a way to incorporate it into everyday life. The course is run by Beth Nicholls, an inspiring, engaging and adventurous woman who passionately believes that the world would be a better place if more people were doing what they love.

I have learned so much from the course and have connected with people in wonderful and unexpected ways. While I am still digesting a lot of the material, I wanted to share one of the many things that resonated with me. In an interview with artist Kelly Rae Roberts, Kelly Rae spoke about the importance of paying attention to the people we admire as she believes that this speaks to something within us. I have been thinking a lot about this and have concluded that, for me, the people I most admire most in life tend to be people who are passionate, energised and inspired by what they do; people who push themselves to their limits whether physically, mentally or both; people who keep pursuing their dreams despite setbacks or the opinions of others; and people who are open-minded, caring and compassionate. I have long struggled to find my passion in life (hence signing up for Beth’s course!), have too often quit when things got tough and have allowed the opinions of others, whether real or perceived, to hold me back. As obvious as it seems now, the qualities I most admire in others are the ones I aspire to myself but are also the ones I struggle with the most.

Having recently re-discovered my love of running I was also intrigued to hear Kelly Rae say that it was taking up running that led her to re-discover her creativity and that it gave her the confidence to pursue her dream of becoming an artist. She said, “Once I started running and realising that I could push, or lean into the edges of what I thought I couldn’t do, I realised that anything was possible.”

Finally, I want to share the story of Emil Zatopek, a man I admire deeply. Not only did he have an extraordinary passion for running but he had an enormous heart. Even if you are not a runner or are not particularly interested in running I think you will find his story inspiring and moving. I have extracted it exactly as I first read it. I hope you enjoy it.

From the book ‘Born To Run’ by Christopher McDougall (pp 95-98) -

‘There was this Czech soldier, a gawky dweeb who ran with such horrendous form that he looked “as if he’d just been stabbed through the heart,” as one sports-writer put it. But Emil Zatopek loved running so much that even when he was still a grunt in army boot camp, he used to grab a flash-light and go off on twenty-mile runs through the woods at night. In his combat boots. In winter. After a full day of infantry drills.

When the snow was too deep, Zatopek would jog in the tub on top of his dirty laundry, getting a resistance workout along with clean tighty whities. As soon as it thawed enough for him to get outside, he’d go nuts; he’d run four hundred meters as fast as he could, over and over, for ninety repetitions, resting in between by jogging two hundred meters. By the time he’d finished, he’d done more than thirty-three miles of speedwork. Ask him his pace, and he’d shrug; he never timed himself. To build explosiveness, he and his wife, Dana, used to play catch with a javelin, hurling it back and forth to each other across a soccer field like a long, lethal Frisbee. One of Zatopek’s favourite workouts combined all his loves at once: he’d jog through the woods in his army boots with his ever-loving wife riding on his back.

It was all a waste of time of course. The Czechs were like the Zimbabwean bobsled team; they had no tradition, no coaching, no native talent, no chance of winning. But being counted out was liberating; having nothing to lose left Zatopek free to try any way to win. Take his first marathon: everyone knows the best way to build up to 26.2 miles is by running long, slow distances. Everyone, that is, except Emil Zatopek: he did hundred-yard dashes instead.

“I already know how to go slow,” he reasoned. “I thought the point was to go fast”. His atrocious, death-spasming style was punch-line heaven for track scribes (“The most frightful horror spectacle since Frankenstein.”… “He runs as if his next step would be his last”… “He looks like a man wrestling with an octopus on a conveyor belt.”), but Zatopek just laughed along. “I’m not talented enough to run and smile at the same time,” he’d say. “Good thing it’s not figure skating. You only get points for speed, not style”.

And dear God, was he a Chatty Cathy! Zatopek treated competition like it was speed dating. Even in the middle of a race, he liked to natter with other runners and try out his smattering of French and English and German, causing one grouchy Brit to complain about Zatopek’s “incessant talking”. At away meets, he’d sometimes have so many new friends in his hotel room that he’d have to give up his bed and sleep outside under a tree. Once, right before an international race, he became pals with an Australian runner who was hoping to break the Australian 5,0000 meter record. Zatopek was only entered in the 10,000 meter race, but he came up with a plan; he told the Aussie to drop out of his race and line up next to Zatopek instead. Zatopek spent the first half of the 10,000 meter race pacing his new buddy to the record, then sped off to attend to his own business and win.

That was pure Zatopek, though; races for him were like a pub crawl. He loved competing so much that instead of tapering and peaking, he jumped into as many meets as he could find. During a manic stretch in the late ’40s, Zatopek raced nearly every other week for three years and never lost, going 69-0. Even on a schedule like that, he still averaged up to 165 miles a week in training.

Zatopek was a bald, self-coached thirty-year old apartment-dweller from a decrepit Eastern European backwater when he arrived for the 1952 Olympics in Helsinki. Since the Czech team was so thin, Zatopek had his choice of distance events, so he chose them all. He lined up for the 5,000 meters, and won with a new Olympic record. He then lined up for the 10,000 meters, and won his second gold with another new record. He’d never run a marathon before, but what the hell; with two golds already around his neck, he had nothing to lose, so why not finish the job and give it a bash?

Zatopek’s inexperience quickly became obvious. It was a hot day, so England’s Jim Peters, then the world-record holder, decided to use the heat to make Zatopek suffer. By the ten-mile mark, Peters was already ten minutes under his own world record pace and pulling away from the field. Zatopek wasn’t sure if anyone could really sustain such a blistering pace. “Excuse me,” he said, pulling alongside Peters. “This is my first marathon. Are we going too fast?” “No,” Peters replied. “Too slow.” If Zatopek was dumb enough to ask, he was dumb enough to deserve any answer he got. Zatopek was surprised “You say too slow,” he asked again. “Are you sure the pace is too slow?”. “Yes,” Peters said. Then he got a surprise of his own. “Okay. Thanks.” Zatopek took Peters at his word and took off. When he burst out of the tunnel and into the stadium, he was met with a roar: not only from the fans, but from athletes of every nation who thronged the track to cheer him in. Zatopek snapped the tape with his third Olympic record, but when his teammates charged over to congratulate him, they were too late: the Jamacian sprinters had already hoisted him on their shoulders and were parading him around the infield. “Let us live so that when we come to die, even the undertaker will be sorry,” Mark Twain used to say. Zatopek found a way to run so that when he won, even other teams were delighted.

You can’t pay someone to run with such infectious joy. You can’t bully them into it, either, which Zatopek would unfortunately have to prove. When the Red Army marched into Prague in 1968 to crush the pro-democracy movement, Zatopek was given a choice: he could get on board with the Soviets and serve as a sports ambassador, or could spend the rest of his life cleaning toilets in a uranium mine. Zatopek chose the toilets. And just like that, one of the most beloved athletes in the world disappeared.

At the same time, coincidentally, his rival for the title of the world’s greatest distance runner was also taking a beating. Ron Clarke, a phenomenally talented Australian with Johnny Depp’s dark, dreamy beauty, was exactly the king of guy that Zatopek, by all rights, should hate. While Zatopek had to teach himself to run in the snow at night after sentry duty, the Australian pretty boy was enjoying sunny morning jogs along the Mornington Peninsula and expert coaching. Everything Zatopek could wish for, Clarke had to spare: Freedom. Money. Elegance. Hair.

Ron Clarke was a star – but still a loser in the eyes of his nation. Despite breaking nineteen records in every distance from the half-mile to six miles, “the bloke who choked” never managed to win the big ones. In the summer of ’68 he blew his final chance: in the 10,000 meter finals at the Mexico City Games, Clarke was knocked out by altitude sickness. Anticipating a barrage of abuse back home, Clarke delayed his return by stopping off in Prague to pay a courtesy visit to the bloke who never lost. Toward the end of their visit, Clarke glimpsed Zatopek sneaking something into his suitcase.

“I thought I was smuggling some message to the outside world for him, so I did not dare to open the parcel until the plane was well away,” Clarke would say. Zatopek sent him off with a strong embrace. “Because you deserved it,” he said, which Clarke found cute and very touching; the old master had far worse problems of own to deal with, but was still playful enough to grant a victory-stand hug to the young punk who’d missed his chance to mount one.

Only later would he discover that Zatopek wasn’t talking about the hug at all: in his suitcase, Clarke found Zatopek’s 1952 Olympic 10,000 meters gold medal. For Zatopek to give it to the man who’d replaced his name in the record books was extraordinarily noble; to give it away at precisely the moment in his life when he was losing everything else was an act of almost unimaginable compassion.

“His enthusiasm, his friendliness, his love of life, shone through every movement,” an overcome Ron Clarke said later. “There is not, and never was, a greater man than Emil Zatopek”.

Discipline and Purpose

While reading an article about Japanese novelist Haruki Murakami recently I was struck by his response to a question regarding his recent, but uncharacteristic, vocalisation of some of his political opinions. He said this -

“We have to change our values. We have to think about how we can get happy. It’s not about money. It’s not about efficiency. It’s about discipline and purpose.”

I was particularly struck by this statement and the words ‘discipline’ and ‘purpose’ have been playing over in my mind ever since. On its own, the word ‘discipline’ makes me think of rigidity and inflexibility. I’ve been wondering, however, whether the combination of discipline and purpose might provide a kind of freedom?

Seven months ago I signed up for an on-line running course designed for women. With the continued support of an amazing coach and an incredible group of women I have been running 3-4 times per week ever since. This is the longest period of time that I have consistently run since I was at school. Running has become a non-negotiable part of my life that brings me great pleasure and an on-going sense of accomplishment.

In the past I would regularly announce that I was going to go for an early morning run. My husband would nod knowingly and sure enough I’d still be slumbering away long after the alarm had gone off. These days he believes me. More importantly so do I. I’ve discovered that it is liberating and empowering to keep the promises you make to yourself. Guilt and regret have been replaced with the joy of slow but steady progress, both physical and mental. As obvious as it seems now I have come to realise that there is power in consistency.

I think I am disciplined with my running because I now run with purpose. I set running goals and I have a coach and community of fellow runners to report back to, both of which definitely help get me out of bed when it is still dark.

Murakami’s words probably struck a particular chord with me because I revere him both as a writer and a runner. He runs almost every day, has run countless marathons and has even written a book about running in which he says that without running he couldn’t write. For the past thirty years Murakami has led an incredibly disciplined life. He is very health conscious, goes to bed around 9 pm every night and wakes at 4 am (without an alarm) to write solidly for five to six hours before heading out to run. While most of us would consider Murakami’s lifestyle extreme it clearly works for him. Discipline and purpose. I think he might be on to something.

What is Soft is Strong

“Nothing in the world is as soft and yielding as water. Yet for dissolving the hard and inflexible, nothing can surpass it. The soft overcomes the hard; the gentle overcomes the rigid. This is a paradox: what is soft is strong.”

(Lao-Tzu – Tao Te Ching)

I thought I would ease my way into the blogging world by sharing one of my favourite quotes. It reminds me that so much in life is not simply what it appears to be; of the strength I often forget I possess; and to stay open and receptive to different ideas, perspectives and people.

Does it speak to you?

I am so excited and grateful to have this little corner of the world to explore and share ideas, whether my own or others’, about health, happiness and living well. I do hope you stop by from time to time!