Monthly Archives: February 2012

The Wisdom of Others – Authenticity

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Ever since I wrote my recent post about authenticity, I seem to keep coming across the most thoughtful, wonderful articles and interviews about what it means to live life authentically. It’s as if the universe is telling me to get on with it and start putting the real me out there more often.  Now that I’m in my mid thirties, I think I know myself pretty well. I do, however, still find it challenging to speak and act in line with my values in situations that are not entirely comfortable for me. In order to keep moving forward I know that this needs to change.

Reading about something is, of course, by no means the same as doing it. I spent countless years devouring inspirational books about running without lacing up my own running shoes. I have, however, always found the insights and wisdom of others very helpful and inspiring, so I thought I would gather together and share some of the things I have read and listened to recently about authenticity.

The following extract is from the blog A Cup of Jo. The author’s mother emailed the following powerful advice to her daughter –

“It seems to me that being authentic is being brave enough or just candid enough to be honest about what you are experiencing or who you are, whether it is popular are not. A person gives a gift to other people when they say, ‘This is what happened to me or this is how I truly feel, no matter what the popular belief is about what I should feel.’ Whenever you are honest, you are speaking for a thousand silent people who don’t have the voice to say what they really feel or are really experiencing. So, if you ever talk about [the thing you went through], you will touch a million hearts. Because you are speaking for more than just yourself. You are never alone in what you are feeling. I love you.”

How beautiful. Joanna’s post, which she wrote soon after reading these words, is incredibly powerful and moving, and one that I’m sure will be helpful to many women.

Next, I’d like to share Kate James’ interview with Robert Rabbin, the person who changed her perception on what it means to really live life authentically. It is a lovely interview, which I listened to after a day that had left me feeling emotionally drained. I had remained silent during a difficult conversation, keeping my values and opinions safely locked away from the majority view. Kate’s interview helped me see that part of living authentically is having the courage to share your perspective even when it is difficult to do so. You can listen to the interview here and read Kate’s recent newsletter about interviewing Robert here.

Finally, I want to share two wonderful interviews with the queen of authenticity Brene Brown (here and here). And if you haven’t watched her TED talk yet it’s a must. In the spirit of authenticity, I have listened to  Brene’s talk a number of times and it makes me cry every time!

How Much We Miss

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A friend of mine recently emailed me the following passage. I believe that it has been circulated widely so you may well have read it before.

“A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that 1,100 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.

Three minutes went by, and a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace, and stopped for a few seconds, and then hurried up to meet his schedule. 

A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping, continued to walk. 
A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work.

The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried, but the boy stopped to look at the violinist. Finally, the mother pushed hard, and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.

In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money, but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the most talented musicians in the world. He had just played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, on a violin worth $3.5 million dollars.

Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100. This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste, and priorities of people.

In a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour: Do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be: If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?”

You can watch the video or read the original article about the experiment as published in the Washington Post here.

After I read this story I started to reflect on a ten-day silent meditation retreat that I went on at the end of 2008 in Herefordshire, England. No reading or writing materials, music devices or mobile phones were allowed. Nor were participants allowed to speak or engage in any form of non-verbal communication. Asking the teacher for assistance if it was required was acceptable but otherwise each day was spent in complete silence. Needless to say, other forms of stimulation such as caffeine, alcohol and cigarettes were also strictly prohibited.

Waking at 4am, we practiced around ten hours of meditation each day. We received instructions from our teacher at various times throughout the day and each evening we listened to a recorded lecture. These were the only forms of external stimulation that we received. The first 2-3 days were spent focusing entirely on our breathe while the remaining days we practiced a meditation technique which encourages awareness of sensations in the body that you would never normally be aware of.

The first few days were hell! I had terrible headaches and strange dreams, I battled boredom and frustration and I even fainted during the first meditation session. However, despite it being one of the most challenging things I have ever done, it also turned out to be one of the most rewarding.

Every day around lunchtime we had an hour free. During the first few days I would retreat to my bed out of sheer exhaustion (meditation on this scale is surprisingly tiring). Towards the end of the retreat, however, I started to use this time to walk around the grounds, along a little dirt track through the woods. During those walks I found myself paying meticulous attention to my surroundings. I started to take a child-like delight in all I saw. As if for the first time, I saw just how extraordinarily beautiful the sky is, the clouds, trees, leaves, spider webs, puddles, insects… During the meditation sessions also, I began to notice that my mind was becoming less easily distracted and that I was more attuned to what was happening within my body.

The experience showed me first hand just how much we really do miss during the course of our daily lives.  It is not easy to reconcile the demands of our lives with an ability to pay attention to, and really appreciate, the wonder that exists all around us. I am convinced, however, that regular meditation, or even taking the time to simply stop and breathe, helps.

Snapshots: A Swiss Winter

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Wellbeing Interview: Gill Stannard

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As a long-standing client of herbalist and naturopath Gill Stannard, I was thrilled when Gill agreed to be my second interviewee. Gill’s clinic, City Natural Therapies, is in Melbourne where she has practiced for over 20 years. In her own words, Gill “likes to cook and eat tasty healthy food, inspire people to listen to their body and is often seen petting felines in the street”.

I first saw Gill over eight years ago and I have been a client and reader of her monthly newsletter ever since. It is Gill’s down-to-earth practical style, combined with her warmth and compassion, that I love. I always learn something new when I see Gill and leave feeling more grounded and inspired. Before a trip home to Australia, Gill is the first person I book in to see. Thank you Gill.

What does happiness mean to you?

Moments of total calm, experiencing just being. I’m happiest most when I’m truly in the moment.

What and/or who inspires you?

As a young girl I learnt about Emmeline Pankhurst, one of the original suffragettes. I’ve been outspoken about and prepared to fight for what I believe in ever since.

What would be your perfect day?

One that has the space for the unexpected to happen. Oh, and I’m a sucker for a lazy picnic on a sunny day and beaches with vivid sunsets.

Do you have a favourite place or environment where you feel most at peace?

I find the New Zealand bush both calming and exhilarating. There’s something about the shades of green from all that rain and the ferny aroma that resonates with my kiwi soul.

If you are feeling stressed or anxious is there anything you do that you know will make you feel better?

A hug from my partner, a smooch with the cat, pottering in the garden, a chat with my best friend, repeating the Buddhist maxim “this too shall pass” and if all else fails – playing Marvin Gaye’s “Sexual Healing”, very loud. I find it impossible to not get up and dance to it and forget everything that’s worrying me.

What worries you most about the world?

The shortsightedness of politics and capitalism.

What makes you most hopeful about the world?

The Occupy Movement. There’s an up and coming generation who care enough about the world to want to change it, and are brave enough to stand up and be counted. Last year, through Occupy Melbourne, I met so many extraordinary 20-somethings who turned the Gen Y stereotype on its head.

What, if anything, would you like more of in your life?

Meditation, bushwalking, travel, laughter and time with friends. Fortunately, all of this is achievable.

What, if anything, would you like less of in your life?

Being plugged into the grid, computers, phones and all those other gadgets we think we can’t live without.

What’s the best piece of advice you have ever been given?

Don’t be afraid of making a fool of yourself.

The Vine and its Grapes

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Lately, I have been dipping into, and loving, Marcus Aurelius’ ‘Meditations’. What a treasure trove of insights and reflections on life and humanity. I wanted to share the following excerpt -

“One sort of person, when he has done a kindness to another, is quick to chalk up the return due to him. A second is not so quick in that way, but even so he privately thinks of the other as his debtor, and is well aware of what he has done. A third sort is in a way not even conscious of his action, but is like the vine which has produced grapes and looks for nothing else once it has borne its own fruit. A horse that has raced, a dog that has tracked, a bee that has made honey, and a man that has done good – none of these knows what they have done, but they pass on to the next action, just as the vine passes on to bear grapes again in due season.”

(‘Meditations’ – Marcus Aurelius)

Nourishing 2012

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It is hard to believe that the first month of 2012 is already behind us. Taking the idea from Susannah Conway’s workbook ‘Unravelling the Year Ahead 2012’, I have been trying to find a word to guide me through 2012, a word that captures the kind of year I want to have. I love the idea of having a guiding word as opposed to concrete resolutions that, once broken, are so easy to discard. For some reason I have found settling on a word harder than I anticipated. I have, however, finally found a word that feels right. That word is ‘nourish’.

The word ‘nourish’ is defined as nurturing or feeding something for growth. I like the feeling this evokes in me. It makes me think of growth that is manageable, healthy, sustainable and enjoyable; as opposed to growth that can occur as the result of sudden change which can be difficult to adapt to.

The most obvious thing that the word ‘nourish’ conjures up is healthy, nutritious food. Cooking and eating nourishing food is something I want to focus on more this year. While I was in Australia I picked up two wonderful cookbooks recommended by naturopath Gill Stannard - ‘Feel Good Food’ (by Tony Chiodo) and ‘Super Natural Every Day’ (by Heidi Swanson). I look forward to trying out new recipes that incorporate a wider variety of nutritious foods. I also want to reduce my sugar intake and will be turning to Sarah Wilson’s e-book for support and information.

I am keen to nourish my meditation practice. Without regular meditation I can suffer from underlying and persistent anxiety, the cause of which I find difficult to pinpoint. I have meditated on and off for a number of years now and I attended a ten-day silent meditation retreat at the end of 2008. I know with absolute certainty that meditation has an immediately calming effect on me and that with regular practice I feel more grounded and appreciative of all that I have in my life. I have, however, struggled to incorporate meditation into my life as regularly as I would like.

I want to keep exploring, dreaming and working toward realising my dream of one day doing something with my life that I truly love, something that helps others and that inspires and energises me. I plan to nourish this dream by continuing to write and take photographs for this blog, connecting with like-minded, supportive people, taking courses and reading books that encourage me in this direction. I also want to get better at creating the space for my intuition to break through and to make sure I listen to it.

Finally, I want to continue to nourish my love of running. Running has become such a joyful and important part of my life. I know, however, that I need to continue to nurture and feed this passion to make sure that it continues to be a source of joy and growth.

Do you have a guiding word for 2012? I’d love to hear it!

The Hardest Battle Any Human Being Can Fight

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I recently asked Kate James of Total Balance and The Change Project if she could tell me the best piece of advice she has ever been given (if you missed my interview with her you can read it here). Her response was – “Be authentic. There is only one version of you and all you ever need to be is that person”. The beauty and apparent simplicity of this statement really struck me.  While being the one true version of our self should, logically, be the most natural thing in the world, it seems it can also be one of life’s greatest challenges. As the poet E.E. Cummings said -

“To be nobody but yourself – in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you like everybody else – means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight – and never stop fighting.”

Why is it often so difficult to present our real self to the world? I guess it’s tied up with wanting to be accepted, to be liked; wanting to avoid being judged or ridiculed; wanting to fit in and not stand out. While I like to think of myself as an authentic person I know that I too often shield the real me from the world. This blog is just one example of that. I have only mentioned it to a select few who know me personally, people I am absolutely sure would be supportive and who would be likely to enjoy it.

In her book ‘The Gifts of Imperfection’ Brene Brown says -

“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen”.

She does, however, agree that this is not easy -

“The idea that we can choose authenticity makes most of feel both hopeful and exhausted. We feel hopeful because being real is something we value. Most of us are drawn to warm, down-to-earth, honest people, and we aspire to be like that in our own lives. We feel exhausted because without even giving it too much thought most of know that choosing authenticity in a culture that distastes everything from how much we’re supposed to weigh to what our houses are supposed to look like is a huge undertaking”

So is authenticity worth striving for? Brene Brown thinks so. She believes that by simultaneously accepting our vulnerability and our strength, even when it’s often easier not to “we invite grace, joy and gratitude into our lives”.

Revealing my true self to the world is something I’m working on. I am, however, taking it slowly, one small step at a time.

I want to leave you with a great tip that Brene Brown recommends and one that I have found very powerful –

“I try to make authenticity my number one goal when I go into a situation where I’m feeling vulnerable. If authenticity is my goal and I keep it real, I never regret it. I might get my feelings hurt, but I rarely feel shame. When acceptance or approval becomes my goal, and it doesn’t work out, that can trigger shame for me: “I’m not good enough.” If the goal is authenticity and they don’t like me, I’m okay. If the goal is being liked and they don’t like me, I’m in trouble. I get going by making authenticity the priority”.