I once asked Kate James of Total Balance if she could tell me the best piece of advice she has ever been given. Her response was – “Be authentic. There is only one version of you and all you ever need to be is that person”. The beauty and apparent simplicity of this statement really struck me. While being the one true version of our self should, logically, be the most natural thing in the world, it seems it can also be one of life’s greatest challenges.
As the poet E.E. Cummings said – “To be nobody but yourself – in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you like everybody else – means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight – and never stop fighting.”
Why is it often so difficult to present our real self to the world? I guess it’s tied up with wanting to be accepted, to be liked; wanting to avoid being judged or ridiculed; wanting to fit in and not stand out. In her book ‘The Gifts of Imperfection’ Brene Brown says –
“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen”.
She does, however, agree that this is not easy –
“The idea that we can choose authenticity makes most of us feel both hopeful and exhausted. We feel hopeful because being real is something we value. Most of us are drawn to warm, down-to-earth, honest people, and we aspire to be like that in our own lives. We feel exhausted because without even giving it too much thought most of us know that choosing authenticity in a culture that distastes everything from how much we’re supposed to weigh to what our houses are supposed to look like is a huge undertaking”
So is authenticity worth aiming for? Brene Brown thinks so. She believes that by simultaneously accepting our vulnerability and our strength, even when it’s often easier not to, “we invite grace, joy and gratitude into our lives”.
Accepting and revealing my true self to the outside world has taken me quite some time. I have been faced with, and often still am, feelings of intense vulnerability. Over time, however, and with practise, I have learned to sit with my vulnerability, knowing that, ultimately, it is so much more powerful and rewarding to do so.
I want to leave you with a great tip that Brene Brown recommends and one that I have found enormously helpful –
“I try to make authenticity my number one goal when I go into a situation where I’m feeling vulnerable. If authenticity is my goal and I keep it real, I never regret it. I might get my feelings hurt, but I rarely feel shame. When acceptance or approval becomes my goal, and it doesn’t work out, that can trigger shame for me: “I’m not good enough.” If the goal is authenticity and they don’t like me, I’m okay. If the goal is being liked and they don’t like me, I’m in trouble. I get going by making authenticity the priority”.
