I found learning to meditate challenging. Sitting still, trying to quiet my mind for even a few minutes felt impossible. Looking back now, I can see that I had unrealistic expectations about the process of meditation and how I thought it ‘should’ feel which, of course, made it harder and more frustrating than it needed to be.
Thankfully, I stuck with it and my daily meditation practice has since become an essential part of my life; one I couldn’t imagine living without. I expect, however, that many people, when learning to meditate, all too quickly conclude that they ‘can’t’ meditate or beat themselves up over the fact that they are ‘no good’ at it.
So, I thought it might be helpful to share a few things I wish I’d known when I was first learning to meditate:
1. Being distracted by thoughts is all part and parcel of the process of meditation
Meditation is, in fact, a three step process which involves:
(i) focusing on a chosen object (e.g. your breath, body, sounds, a mantra etc.);
(ii) losing focus (ie. getting distracted by thoughts) and noticing you have lost focus; and
(iii) re-focusing.
Most people have a tendency to assume that step 1 – focusing – is meditation and that once you have lost focus you have stopped meditating. However, meditation involves each of these three steps, each of which is equally important. While we tend to assume that step 1 is the most important, if I had to pick one I would say step 2 is the most important. Noticing you have lost focus is a moment of awareness; a moment in which you can choose to re-focus. Broadening your definition of meditation in this way can be really helpful.
2. Meditation is not something you need to perfect or master in order to make it worthwhile
Studies have shown that even ‘busy’ meditation sessions, sessions during which your mind is particularly unsettled, are still doing you good. Even sporadic moments of focus will have the effect of relaxing your body and calming your mind. When learning to meditate it is common to worry that you’re not meditating perfectly but meditation is something that requires patience and persistence not perfection. As Buddhist author Pema Chodron says:
“In practicing meditation we’re not trying to live up to some kind of ideal – quite the opposite. We’re just being with our experience whatever that it is.”
3. Make the pause between breathes your friend
After each exhalation, pause and try to allow your next breath to come when it’s ready. See if you can notice and enjoy this pause between breaths; when there is no breath there are usually no thoughts either. Although brief, these moments can be very welcome when learning to meditate.
Happy meditating!
